Taste’s very strange!

If not pet, why soft?

Sharing is caring. If you’re the same size, you can both wear each other’s stuff!

Try not to write any task managers on the way to the parking lot!

Oh say is that plane really

falling from the sky?

O’er the land of the free

Fuckin’ poke in the eye

“Here, this thingy’ll help you pee in the conduits like everybody else.”

He paid for boys so does he care that his daughter disowned him? He didn’t use his ill-gotten gains to buy a female meat shield! Besides, he’s already got his “You’re not the real president” kid for that.

/s

That’s coprolite!

Quesadillius

“Sorry, we’ve all looked through those files a lot but no one has had time to alphabetize them yet!”

Unless you’ve got POWER!

Okay, so not those then!

Postal boxes? Transformer boxes? Manhole covers? Park walking paths? Detention center fences? The houses of local homophobic politicians? Bike racks? Telephone poles?

A finger

Idaho is trying so hard but just can’t keep up!

Well, I’ll be damned! How could I have been so foolish‽

Eggs and bricks with tacos painted on them. No reason to waste any tasty tacos!

Dame Judy Bench was right there.

I went to a kid’s birthday party the other day. There was a little girl (maybe 4y/o?) there who had been to another party earlier in the day but left before that party had cake.

The second that cake was mentioned she starts wandering around going, “Can I have cake?” to anyone who would listen.

“Can I have cake? Can I have cake?” I was told someone had cake and I’ll be damned if I don’t get some immediately.

From… screenshots?