• thefartographer@lemm.ee
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    5 months ago

    I once threatened to come up there and fistfight whatever woodland creature threw that acorn at me. I had no clue where it was and I was unwilling to actually do any climbing.

    Don’t you try telling me how stupid I can be in the wilderness.

    • SirDerpy@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      My friend, it’s so stupid it’s looped back around into extremely wise. If you perceive a wildlife threat then the two most effective tactics are:

      1. Put a rock or tree between you and the threat, then keep it between you.

      2. Angrily yell at it while waving your arms to appear large (an air horn or a warning shot is a very effective punctuation)

      I’ve angrily told off dozens of bears.

      THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK! SHOP SMART. SHOP S-MART! YOU ONLY GET ONE SHOT. HIS PAWS ARE SWEATY. DARMOK AND JALAD ON THE OCEAN!

      • thefartographer@lemm.ee
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        5 months ago

        I’m really enjoying the mental image of a woods-based comedy thriller, a scene in which I’m loading my shotgun while trying to strategically placed myself against a rock or tree. Shouting threats and trying to reason with a squirrel or whatever that was in a tree, I fire off my shotgun, sending dozens of terrified birds and arboreous rodents fleeing and dislodging a barrage of various nuts and mast that rain on me.

        “It’s an ambush!” I cry out before pumping my own leg full of ricochet shot off of my hiding post.