He also completely seems the type to leave a come-to-jesus meeting with his doctor about how he absolutely has to change his diet and start exercising and still hit the McDonald’s drive thru on the way home, so with a little luck, the best possible medical care won’t matter nearly as much as it could.

“Your honor, I’m missing my grandmother terribly. She would always side with me on legal decisions…”

Yeah, I read that as well. Ironically enough, it actually gave me a tiny shred of hope that we might get exceptionally lucky and the fucking thing would get wiped out by a hurricane or something before they managed to actually get anyone in there, but unfortunately the bastards work fast.

The second one looks like an English bulldog with jaundice preparing to tell a spooky story around a campfire.

Those shitty old tiger hand holds kind of worked like that.

Went a couple links deep in the article and nope, the standard kind of decapitated (no photos in the link, it’s just a previous AP article that gives more detail). Sounds like the poor kids shoulder got stuck and she straight up ripped his head off.

Edit - fixed link

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Tbf, even if we stopped literally right now that doesn’t address what’s already there so even best case scenario would still be a little of column a, a little of column b.

Little Jimmy Loveseat has a nice ring to it.

Clearly we just use the hurricanes to put out the fires.

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*At first you think

Cruella is the devil

But after time has worn

Away the shock

You come to realize

You’ve seen her kind of eyes

Watching you from underneath A rock!

This vampire bat

This inhuman beast

She ought to be locked up

And never released

The world was such A wholesome place until

Cruella, Cruella Noem*

Autocomplete with delusions of grandeur

Honestly for Philly cheesesteak your best option might be to marinate some portobello mushrooms in olive oil, vegan worcestershire sauce, a bit of soy sauce, and garlic, then slice very thin and fry for the “steak”. Worcestershire and soy sauce together do an excellent job if you want to add a beefy flavor to something.