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  • 10 Comments
Joined 10 months ago
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Cake day: September 1st, 2023

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  • You’re more likely to solve the problem by yelling into a pillow

    You mean the Casper Original Pillow I’m buying with Klarna for 4 easy payments of $39.95 at 29.99% interest?

    I hear they’re partnering with Amazon on a new version that has a tiny Alexa speaker in it that will whisper ads in your ear while you’re sleeping unless you pay them $15 to turn it off. It’s called the Casper Pillow Talk with Special Offers.

    Yelling: ALEXA! HOW CAN I GET CONSUMER PROTECTION IN THE UNITED STATES?

    Casper Pillow Talk with Special Offers: I’m sorry, I don’t understand. By the way, did you know that Amazon Pharmacy is now selling antidepressants at a discounted price? To order, just say “Add Xanax to my next drone delivery”. To receive the discount, say “I waive my right to sue Amazon via the justice system and agree to private corporate arbitration until the end of time!





  • I’m thinking $4.99 for the DunceCap* premium filter

    one-time use only, usage of filter gives consent in perpetuity, with no restrictions, for Meta to scan your entire disgusting naked body for usage in Meta’s upcoming “MoleCheck” biometric security login feature*

    **Usage of MoleCheck grants Meta perpetual license with no restrictions to train its “Dr. ZuckCancer” AI (not a real doctor) on your disgusting naked body and to withhold any cancer diagnosis Dr. ZuckCancer (not a real doctor) might find if you have not paid your monthly subscription to “MetaMedical”, a real bargain at only $350/week! Remember, choose MetaMedical, because “You Might as Well, We Already Have Your Medical Records Anyway!