I mean…maybe? I didn’t realize there was a strict code of conduct on Lemmy where our jokes had to adhear to realism. Very sorry for the mishap. I’ll only tell jokes where the punchlines seem they could happen in real life.

So a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says “What’cha havin?” And the guy says “A MENTAL BREAKDOWN!!!” and then proceeds to cry that his wife has left him.

…I just don’t know about this realism humor.

Not sure why you’d be kicked out. You’re not disturbing anyone. You’d be the only one in there.

You should crosspost this to the fitness community.

I thought the plot twist was going to be that your wife is the one, but that sex made her “the one”.

Buddy, if it’s not funny, I think you aren’t getting high enough in your rotation.

Hashtag team corn.

No, like one of his Islamic girls.

I’m unclear if thats some in-joke, or a linux command…I like to think of it as a jumbled bit of nonsensical jibberish, which is exactly what happened when trump was attempting to think.

Wife: comes home, drives up the driveway, and pressed the garage door opener remote

Husband: “HOW COULD YOU??? YOU MONSTER!!!”

Wife: “What? What did I…OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE!!!”

It’s so funny to me that this total apex preditor somehow has a miniture version that we humans get as pets.

You see a lion or a tiger in the wild? Your ass is dead. But shrink him down to ankle height? Awwww, look at the kitty!

Meanwhile she’s plotting everyones death. But she’s too small to enact her plan.

YOU get a lawsuit! And YOU get a lawsuit!

EVERYONE INVOLVED IN THIS STUPIDITY GETS A LAWSUIT!!!

Too bad they’ll all be thrown out of court after the company pays off the judge…Ya know, it used to be when I’d say things like that, which I knew were always true, that people would say I’m crazy. That businesses can’t just BUY their way out of a lawsuit.

And now, the corruption is just out there. Everyone can see it now. Which kind of validates me, but also it means that things have gotten so much worse though out there. Now they feel no fear in basically telling the public “We run this shit, not you.”

Now for the next thing people will think I’m crazy for. Once they have it well established that they have bought and own the government, they’ll begin taking things away. I’m not talking about healthcare, or important things. That’s already started. They’re in the process right now of gutting programs like SNAP, and Medicaid. They began that about a year ago.

What I’m talking about is, right now you have no reason to believe that you can’t go down to your local ice cream parlor and get an ice cream cone. Nothing wrong with that. No reason to believe you’ll be denied. Give it time. There will come a day where you go to get ice cream, and they’ll tell you no. You’re not part of the in group. You’re not allowed to have ice cream.

And I’m not saying this about just ice cream. That’s just one example of something that is an affordable luxury, that has zero importance in life but it makes you feel good. It brings you joy.

Those are the types of things you’ll start being denied as they take more and more for themselves. They’ll want movie theaters to no longer allow the common man. They’ll want public pools closed, and renovated into private pools with private entry. They’ll want everything for them, and for you to beg to get common luxuries.

For them, it’s not about having vs not having. It’s about power. The ability to lick an ice cream cone, as they watch you go without, and laugh. They want the status of being able to tell you what to do. They want the world for themselves. That’s where this whole epstein’s island comes from. Some of them might actually be attracted to young kids, but really the thrill for them is to be able to take your sons and daughters dignity. They want what society says they can’t have, and is wrong for anyone to have. They want that. They want the taboo. They want the power to say they can have it anytime they want. Regardless of how wrong it is. To them it’s a show of power, and that’s all they’ve ever cared about.

Call me crazy, but in 20 years, when there’s an entire generation who’s never tasted ice cream in their lives, maybe you’ll remember this post. Probably not, but I will. Just like if I knew where my 1st grade teacher, Mrs Huey was, I’d go tell her the conversation we had 30+ years ago. The one in which she claimed that I’d grow up, and stop playing video games. I told her that on my death bed, I’d be playing video games no matter how old I got. I’m 42 now, and I’d ask her “At what point am I going to grow out of video games? When does the growing up happen? I’m older today, than you were the day you said that.” And she, in turn, I assume would tell me it’s not important, and that it was 30 years ago. Which is frustrating because 30 years ago she wouldn’t believe me, and now, she won’t care. Anything to avoid saying you were wrong I suppose. Which is weird to me. I have no issue when I’m wrong. Happens quite a bit. When I was 8, I thought I’d grow up to be one of the ninja turtles. Which, just conceptually makes no sense. The turtles became the turtles because they were already regular turtles, and then mutated when they got covered in toxic waste. If anything, I’d just be a really big mutated human. Think about it. The turtles were little regular pet store turtles. Maybe 7 inches tall if held upright. Then they get splashed with ooze, and they’re like 7 feet tall. So as a kid, I was probably 4 feet tall…so I’d be like 30 feet tall I guess? I mean, that would still be cool, but also, we’re ignoring the medical problems of being mutated. I’d probably get cancer again.

What was I talking about again?

This needs the ATHF Dr Weird intro.

You get that music, followed by

“Gentlemen…BEHOLD!!!”

And you see the shadow.

And then Steve saying “Uhhhh…I’m calling HR.”

And then Dr Weird “Awww, whatsa matter Steve??? Can’t compete with all THIS??? MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

As Steve slips out the door.

I thought the comments were going to be how weird this bathroom’s layout is. They’re just looking at each other pee…

Is…is this a stuffed cat?

I don’t see why not…rabbits are animals. That’s just a fact, Jack! And fish are fish…and bee’s are knees…wait a second…

You built your house on top of a kitten spawner??? Noooooo!!!

My dad used to do this with toast. He’d wake up 2 hours before me, make toast, and then let it sit inside the toaster after it popped up. For 2 hours.

Then when I came down, he’d pull them out, and place a square of cold butter in the center of the toast.

I’m like “I’ll just make the toast myself”, and he was like “no! You’re 8 years old! You’re not allowed”.

I’m 42 now. We don’t talk anymore. I see him at holidays, but yeah. Just one example of all the reasons he can fuck off.

This cat is like a pro wrestler!!!

Haaaaaaaaate the name. Cat is pretty. There’s sadness in her eyes.

Sounds like the rocks kicked you.